This article has been written by Katie Lorandeau, a Family Advisor in the ND and Parent Carer Projects.
Many of us will have experienced burnout, quite often we don’t realise we are in burnout until someone comments to us. Burnout is the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion due to extended periods of caring. When you burnout you may find yourself feeling more tired, might end up doing less of the things you enjoy because you just don’t have the ability to do them or want to do them due to the exhaustion. You end up feeling overwhelmed, stressed maybe more anxious or low mood meaning you have a shorter fuse when it comes to dealing with different situations. This is your mind and body telling you that you need a break and that can come in the form of respite.
Respite can be many different things from a quick cuppa, to a day without the kids or even an evening out. For me it was the drive to work after dropping the kids off at school where I would blast my choice of music as loud as I wanted and scream along to the lyrics after dealing with meltdowns and school refusal since getting out of bed that morning. In the moment it gave me a short amount of ‘me time’ before I started work, some people may even see their job as their respite or ‘me time’.
Respite is important to our own self-care and to helping prevent parent carer burnout. Working both in the Neurodevelopmental Differences Project and the Parent Carers Project, I regularly speak to parents who say they would like some respite and I will often ask them what respite looks like for them, the answer is often the same ‘I just need a break.’ But what really is respite and how can you get respite?
Respite is defined as ‘a short period of rest or relief from something that is difficult or unpleasant.’ Parent Carers often see respite as someone taking the children away from them for a day, an evening, a weekend, but there are ways that you can find respite in the comfort of your own home during your day to day life. It can be difficult to allow yourself to take a break but it is important to remember that taking time for ourselves is NOT selfish it’s necessary. It allows us to recharge and feel better able to manage our caring responsibilities.
Respite at home.
- Take five minutes to have a sit down and a favourite drink at home, staying hydrated is really important.
- I’ve met people that start their day by standing on the grass with bare feet in the morning and taking in their surroundings. They find that this grounds them and relaxes them for the challenges of the day ahead.
- Take time to sit in the bath or have a shower with a locked door and no interruptions
- (if possible).
- If your children are at school, and you do not need to be at work, take the chance to have some time for yourself whether that is meeting a friend, sitting down for a coffee at home, attending a drop in to meet others that experience a similar situation to yourself or going for a walk and taking in the sights and sounds around you.
- Take 5 minutes to lay down with your eyes closed, you could even listen to a bit of music.
- Go for a walk by yourself.
- Look for support from friends and family. Is there anyone that could take the kids to the park for an hour? Do you have a friend or family member that could take them for a day, an evening or possibly longer?
- If your children spend time with their other parent at the weekend, or during the week, you could take this time for yourself whilst they are there.
Other types of respite that may be available:
- You are entitled to request from the local authority a parent carer needs assessment.
- If your child is entitled to Pupil Premium (free school meals), they may be able to access the HAF activities in the school holidays
- If your child has a diagnosis and receives DLA you may be able to get a Short Breaks Budget from Activities Unlimited
- You may be eligible for take a break, who offer 1-2 night breaks for carers, however it does require you to pay a small admin fee
- Access Suffolk Family Carers support programmes and workshops. Meeting other family carers and taking some time out to think about self-care is really important.
- Attending a parent carer drop in, where you can get a free cuppa and an opportunity to chat to other parents and a family advisor in a comfortable, quiet environment can give you a short break. These are run at various locations across the county and virtually.
- Respite and Replacement Care provides information on respite opportunities including day tickets, for family carers, to events and attractions.
- If you are finding things tough, you should reach out to Customer First on 0808 800 4005 or ring Suffolk Family Carers Information Hub on 01473 835477 for further support.
