Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood.
By Linda K. Murphy MS. CCC-SLP
Linda Murphy is a speech and language pathologist , she claims her book was intended to help therapists, teachers, parents, grandparents and carers learn how to use everyday moments to teach and guide a child’s social development. She mentions that whatever your child’s learning style, neurodevelopmental diagnosis or not, the book has been written to help you feel equipped to make a difference by being mindful of your own communication and speaking style.
In the past I have been reluctant to read professionally written ‘help’ books on language use. There are often too many words and strategies that have left me in the same position as when I started reading them, overwhelmed! Linda Murphy’s book is far from that, it’s not a long heavy book, her writing style is simplistic and to the point. It is well presented, straight forward to follow and easy to dip back in to refresh your memory!
Declarative language is a comment or a statement that we share, it can be what we know, what we see or what we are thinking.
This language style has no wrong or right answers and often doesn’t need a verbal response. It paves the way for thought and gives someone the opportunity to hear your thoughts, understand your thinking and to see your perspective .In turn it gives them a chance to problem solve on their own.
A response is usually expected when imperative language is used. The control then lies with the person asking the question or giving the command. For example: ‘Put your shoes on’. Imperative language can feel demanding for many people and can trigger flight, fight or freeze responses that can be seen in a negative way.
Declarative language is warmer way of interacting and connecting, it can feel less threatening, less forceful, making it a less anxiety-provoking way of communicating. So instead of ‘put your shoes on’ we could say ‘I notice the others have put their shoes on.’ Stating observations and sharing them can give someone the chance to process the information and then respond if need be.
The book is divided into seven parts: an Introduction, Getting to know the Good Stuff, Mechanics, Pacing and Troubleshooting, Practice, Tracking Progress and Research, and Final Words.
As a parent of an autistic young man with a demand avoidant profile, the use of language has been key to positive engagement and communication. It has been a complex learning journey of noticing when, what and how I speak with my son, sometimes it’s worked and sometimes it hasn’t. Like many children and young people, he is smart and sometimes my style has back fired, for example, ‘Oh James, it would be nice if you could put your shoes on.’ which worked for a while, and then in moment of high anxiety before school he said ‘yes, it would be nice!’ However this time, he did not put the shoes on! It was time for me to rethink.
This book can help you develop your own use of declarative language, it gives you the opportunity to explore your language style, and what could be possible to work for you and who you communicate with. I found by using declarative language more frequently in the home with everyone stopped my son noticing that I was using some form of special language to communicate with him.
I found Chapter 4 very thought provoking and useful. Using Episodic Memory for Problem Solving. Linda writes ‘Episodic Memory is what we use to recall memories or past experiences that are relevant in the here and now. These are vital to social competence. We need it to feel equipped when faced with a problem. We need it to manage a new situation and we need it to be independent in life.’
Most people with competent social skills will have a strong episodic memory, and their brain will often unconsciously recall past memories to help them to know what they are doing in that moment. Or you may just think, ‘When have I done this before?’ Some with a weaker episodic memory may struggle to recall similar or past experiences. Resulting in feeling stuck when faced with a new situation, experience or communication.
There are some very useful examples in this chapter to help children and young people strengthen their episodic memory using declarative language to help guide them to recall similar situations that in turn can help them develop problem solving skills. This chapter really made me think about stepping back and not rushing in to solve everything for my children. Instead, I try to support and encourage them to think about what they may have done in the past and how that can help with a solution now or in the future.
Throughout the book there are many practical examples and tips to develop your own use of language to help build more positive relationships with those who you work with or parent. There is also a very useful website that offers resources that are referred to in various chapters of the book, along with pod casts and the author’s blog: www.declarativelanguage.com
I highly recommend this book for anyone who is living or working with children and young people and who struggle to feel competent, connected and understood socially. The changes in the way we use language can have such a big impact on the people we support in so many ways.
‘So, Why haven’t read this book?’ or perhaps I should say ‘I was thinking this book may be of interest to you.’
This article is written by Michelle Barnett, Family Worker for the ND Project.
