We’ve supported Jenny throughout her caring role from the age of 13, she is now 22 studying at university for a chemistry degree and has recently become a mum herself. Her journey still continues, but see how her caring role has shaped her life and future!
How did your caring role begin?
My name is Jenny and I’ve been a young carer since I was 4 ½. My caring role originally began with my little sister who is epileptic and autistic but expanded when my mum became terminally ill when I was 11. My role included administering medication, bathing and dressing and providing emotional and physical support on a day-to-day basis. As well as looking after my sister, I suddenly found myself having to look after my mum too as my Dad worked away 4 days a week. I was up first every morning, got showered and dressed then sorted and administered medications for both my mum and my sister. Once my sister was ready, I walked her to school before getting to school myself. Originally both our schools were in the same town, however, when I moved to high school this required me getting the train every morning, making my mornings a bit of a rush.
"I didn't realise I was a young carer..."
I knew I was different to other children and couldn’t go out and do the same activities they did however, I didn’t realise I was a young carer until I started a high school and was referred to the Young Carers service in 2013. I stayed with them until I was 16 and then transferred to the Young Adult Carers. I’ll admit, I didn’t openly tell people I was a carer, not because I was embarrassed, but because I wanted to fit in. I envied the fact my friends could go out and play, that they could relax and didn’t have to worry about anyone else. What I didn’t realise at the time was the strength my caring role gave me. At 15 I almost lost my mum. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through, but I couldn’t break. I couldn’t crumble or run and hide. I had my sister to think about, my dad to support, and a family to try and keep whole. To this day, I would NEVER want to go through that again, but it gave me a strength I never knew I had.
What have you learnt about yourself?
Empathy is something I’ve always been told I possess, the ability to put people before myself. This is something which has definitely grown since becoming a carer purely because I HAD to put people before myself. However, the choice to continually do that, is mine. My weakness however has been assertiveness. Empathy is good, but too much of it leaves you vulnerable and that is a lesson I definitely learnt the hard way. Coming to Carers gave me the opportunity to take part in an assertiveness course, which although I struggled with at the time, proved to be so helpful for me. I am now able to strike a healthy balance between helping people AND being able to say no. Something I will always be grateful to Young Carers for.
"Being a carer will always be a part of me..."
My life has changed now. I am 22 I moved out, I’m studying for a Chemistry Degree at University, and have just welcomed my own baby girl into my family. Being a carer will always be a part of me and I still have my responsibilities to my family however, my responsibilities have changed. My sister is now older, and although she still requires support it’s a different kind of support, she needs advice on boys and how to cook pasta without burning it, how to apply for jobs and how to see her differences as strengths NOT weaknesses.
"It's time to give yourself some credit!"
It’s easy to brush off the things we do. ‘It’s my routine’, ‘I’m nothing special’, ‘It’s normal, isn’t it?’. No. No, it’s not everybody’s ‘normal’ life. But it is our life and I think it is about time we stood back, looked at the AMAZING achievements we ourselves have made whether it be passing exams, leaving home, getting a job, supporting our family, going to university etc and finally gave ourselves a little bit of credit for it. Don’t you
Whether you are a Young Carer or a professional working with Young Carers, if you would like more information on our Young People’s Service please get in contact with us.
