A few years ago I realised that as a family we had very little planned and structured time together on any given day. No time to reflect on our day, discuss any issues we may have or just catch up on what was important to us.
We all have busy lives with school, college and work. When you add individual responsibilities and duties such as housework, homework, hobbies, sleep and socialising it left little family time. I noticed that the only time we all seemed to be present was tea time. We would all plan our individual lifestyles around this important time of the day. Unfortunately while all together in the same room we were all distracted from interacting with each other.
A perfect opportunity to catch up and get to know each other better and raise family concerns was wasted. Why? You may ask………… Technology. The children would be on their tablets, phones and devices completely absent from the present moment. Even worse I would be catching up with work emails and mum would be chatting to friends on Facebook. It was clear to me that over the years our mealtime habits had changed and evolved, and not for the better.
Around the world in all continents, all countries and all cultures eating together and sharing our stories and knowledge was a fundamental part of our living and learning experience. The sharing and eating of food along with discussion and light debate was a keystone in the building of a family relationship. This important activity had become diluted in our family home. On visits to other homes in my personal and work life it was clear that this was true for other families too. The time had come to make a change.
Time to introduce THE DARK HOUR
Now at 5 o clock each night we take our small wicker picnic basket out of the cupboard. In turn we start to gather to collect knives and forks, put the salt and pepper out and collect our evening meals from the kitchen side.
Before we sit down together the phones, tablets and devices are turned off and placed in the wicker basket. The TV and radio are turned off and the remote controls join the wicker box with the other electronics. We now sit together and the conversation starts to flow just like a mountain stream.
We talk about the things personal and individual to us such as our achievements and new experiences. We have a chance to discuss family matters, talk about our friends and more importantly take on some of the problems of the day. We all get to have an opportunity to get things off our chest. Resolve any issues, problems or dilemmas. It is definitely a more positive atmosphere and we are all present in the moment together. None of us are distracted or focused on things that can wait for another time and we are more aware of each other.
We have all found out things we didn’t know about each other and now recognise other parts of one another’s personalities and traits that we may not have discovered before. More recently we have extended the time the devices remain in the box. This gives us further time together while we clean the table, wash up and put away. This is definitely beneficial to mum and I as we were often left to cook, serve and clean up after the evening meal.
We call this time the DARK HOUR however it has actually introduced more light into our family. The funny thing is when the last plate and bowl is put away, the remaining peas are swept off the floor, and the waste is placed in the bin there’s like an Olympic style rush to race to the basket and collect your device. We then all disappear to the different corners of the home and go back off into our individual digital bubbles. However we are all more appreciative of that short time together without any outside distraction or outside interference.
Problems and issues are often raised and resolved between us therefore preventing potential future disagreements and misunderstandings. I would highly recommend this practice for other families as I have personally seen the positive outcomes.
By Scott Walker (Youth Peer Support Worker)
