Terry has been married to Alison for forty-two years, sharing a life filled with ordinary joys and challenges. But in early May 2024, everything changed. Alison, Terry’s wife, began to struggle with her mental health, overwhelmed by a series of unfortunate life events. This led to severe depression and anxiety, and soon, her condition worsened to the point where she needed urgent help.
At first, the Crisis Team stepped in, followed by support from the Community Mental Health Team. Despite their efforts, Alison’s health did not improve, and she was eventually referred back to the Crisis Team for daily visits. Terry watched helplessly as Alison waited for a hospital bed, feeling more unwell than ever before. He had never seen her like this in all their years together. As Terry put it, “I had never seen her this mentally unwell in all of those years”.
As Alison’s carer, Terry took on the responsibility of looking after her every need. “I prompted her to eat, motivated her to keep going, and offered constant reassurance. But it I fear it has taken it’s toil. Alison began to self-harm, and neither of us were sleeping – I think on one occasion I went 36 hours with only three hours of rest. I just felt I couldn’t leave Alison unattended, caring for her around the clock for three months.”
Eventually, Alison was admitted to Ipswich Hospital. While Alison was in hospital, Terry finally had a moment to breathe. He managed his visits to give himself some respite, saying, “While Alison is in hospital, I have some time for some respite. I’ll be managing my visits to the hospital to give myself some time to myself”.
Administering medication at home had been daunting, and Terry often felt out of his depth: “I didn’t feel particularly comfortable or confident in this. I felt that I was out of my depth. I wasn’t sure how long I would be able to manage to care and support Alison at home”. He was confused by the mental health service pathways and uncertain about what to expect from The Woodlands. He hadn’t been told about the Triangle of Care, a best practice model for supporting carers. “At times, I felt ‘unheard’. I felt that lack of sleep had been a major part of Alison’s breakdown and had communicated this to the team, but didn’t really feel that this had been acknowledged”.
“I was feeling isolated. I was unable to leave Alison for any length of time. Although Alison had been mentally unwell before, this time, things are very different. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by my caring role. My own mental health and wellbeing was being affected. I was feeling the pressure and stress of keeping Alison safe”.
After a Carers Assessment, Terry was referred to the SAGES service and advised to attend the Making Time Mental Health Peer Support group. He managed to attend just two days later, and also received one-to-one telephone support from a Mental Health Family Carer Adviser. These opportunities allowed Terry to offload emotionally, receive information, and find signposting to further help. “I needed a safe space to talk about my frustrations and verbalise my thoughts and feelings. I needed to feel listened to. I needed to feel less isolated in my caring role”.
Terry continues to attend the peer support group each month. He knows he can call Suffolk Family Carers whenever he needs advice, guidance, or emotional support. With these resources, Terry feels able to care for Alison while also looking after his own mental health. Most importantly, “I feel that I am able to care and support Alison, while continuing to take care of my own mental health and wellbeing needs. I no longer feel isolated”.
