“I care for my son, who lives with me and has severe and enduring mental health difficulties. I am beginning to feel very lonely and isolated. I have very little contact with others. My world seems to have got smaller since I started caring for him. When my son is in crisis I don’t have the time or the motivation to go out and I have turned down some invitations. The result is friends have stopped asking me to go out and I don’t know how to re-connect with them. I feel they don’t understand the impact of caring for someone, either that or they’ve become fed up with hearing about my problems.”
Firstly, you are not alone in how you feel. Statistics tell us that overall, 8 out of 10 Family Carers (81%) have felt lonely or isolated as a result of looking after the person they care for and this number rises to 86% for family carers providing more than 50 hours of care a week. Family carers who said they felt lonely or socially isolated are almost twice as likely to report a worsening of their physical and mental health as a result of a caring role than those who did not feel lonely. Therefore, it is very important that family carers balance their own needs with the needs of their caring roles. Self-care is not selfish.
Paying attention to your own needs, is not only vital for your own mental health and wellbeing, but essential to be able to sustain your caring role. This includes our need to be part of a Community.
We are social beings and need to belong to groups in which we are valued. We also need Emotional Connections with others; to feel accepted in way which allows us to be ourselves.
We need to feel Respect – to feel valued by others, it helps us to understand our role within our community. Attention – we learn to give and receive attention. By sharing positive attention, people families and communities grow and become healthier.
We also need Achievement – this includes our need for successful relationships that give us our self-esteem. You may feel that some of this needs are unmet and you may be struggling to know how to meet these needs, while continuing to provide care and support to someone else.
How can we help?
1:1 Support – You may like to contact Suffolk Family Carers SAGES Service. Our SAGES workers offer advice, guidance and emotional support. You are able to talk in depth about your caring role to an empathetic, non-judgmental listener.
Peer Support – You may also like to attend the Making Time …. Mental Health Family Carers Support Group. This is an opportunity to connect with others in a similar caring role. The group meets once a month and allows family carers to come together to share experiences and ideas. Please follow the link for further details or contact us MH@suffolkfamilycarers.org or 01473 835477.
You may also like to attend a workshop facilitated by the Mental Health and Wellbeing Service team. Further details can be found on the Suffolk Family Carers website.
Carers Assessments – you may like to refer to Customer First for a Carers Assessment. A Carer’s Assessment is your chance to let Suffolk County Council know how your caring role affects you physically and emotionally. This may also help you to recognise your unmet needs with an opportunity to explore solutions on how those needs can be met. Please follow the link for more information or call Customer First on 0808 800 4005.
Suffolk Libraries – Your local library offers much more than a service for the borrowing and reading of books. Libraries have become information hubs. If there is something going on in your community, it’s very likely that your local library has all the details. Find out what’s on here.
If we do not pay attention to our own needs, then the likelihood is that we become unwell ourselves. Think about what is reasonable. Allow yourself time to re-connect with friends or join a new group and take part in an activity to develop new friendships. Give yourself permission to have things to look forward to.
You deserve it! After all, you are giving your best, often in very difficult circumstances. Most of all, be kind to yourself!
