If you are caring for someone who has suicidal thoughts, it is important that you know how to talk to them about their feelings while looking after yourself.
It is understandable that you may feel scared and anxious about asking someone about their suicide ideation. You may feel that talking about it may encourage the person to actually go on to take their own life. However, survivors of attempted suicide and those that have been helped to avoid attempting suicide, say the one common thing that they share is that they were asked the direct question. “Do you feel suicidal?” or “Have you made plans to end your life/kill yourself?”
Although it is acknowledged that these are difficult questions to ask, those that have been helped say that it gave them time to reflect on what they were planning and an opportunity to talk to someone about their problems to feel supported and safe.
Let’s look at some tips and strategies for talking to someone who you believe may have suicide ideation. We are going to use the word CARER to help you remember!
C – Calm the situation by remaining calm yourself
Ask how the person is feeling. You could ask direct questions like “Are you feeling suicidal?”. You may like to reassure the person that you are ready to listen by saying “It’s OK to talk to me about how you are feeling”.
By asking these questions you are giving the person the opportunity to talk about their thoughts and feelings. You are letting them know that you are interested in them and want to help them through their thoughts and feelings. If the person, however, does not wish to talk, then it is important not to pressure them into speaking. Just let them know that you are there for them. NEVER get angry or judgmental. This will just cause the person to withdraw and frightened them away.
A – Actively listen
Listen to the person and validate their feelings, which are very real. Do not judge, make the person feel guilty or start an argument with them. It may help to repeat back to the person what you have heard. This shows them that you have listened and that you wish to have clarity to be able to understand. It can also help the person to think and reflect on what they have just said.
Do not try to persuade the person that they have a lot to live for or change their minds by pointing out all the good things in their life. The person isn’t in a positive mindset to hear this and they may end up feeling that you haven’t listened.
Do not give advice or try to solve their problems. This isn’t the right time and again, they may feel that you are being judgmental and haven’t listened.
Do not invade their personal space. Give them space to breathe and calm down. Remain calm yourself to avoid panicking them even further. Remember, just by listening you are helping.
R – Reassure the person that you’ll stay with them and that you are listening
It may be difficult to hear what the person has to say. As a Family Carer you are likely to feel hurt that the person you care for feels that there is nothing left to live for and that there is no hope. However, it is important not to judge, interrogate or take personal offence. Remember that these suicidal thoughts belong to the person and no-one else. This isn’t an attempt to hurt you but an attempt to end their pain.
Reassure the person that there is help available. Let them know that there is hope and that most people who have suicidal thoughts recover and feel better. Reassure them that you will be there to support them during this time.
E – Encourage the person to seek help
Encourage the person to seek help. You could tell them about helplines, or you could suggest contacting their GP, Suffolk Wellbeing Service or Mental Health Team. Stay by their side and help with this. Let the person talk through their present issues of support and help and encourage them to look for alternatives.
If the person is drinking alcohol, encourage them to slow down or stop. Offer an alternative such as cup of tea, coffee or a glass of water. However, be careful to not put yourself in danger by taking alcohol away from a person to does not wish to stop.
R – Remember you!
If the person is in immediate danger of dying, then call for help immediately by dialling 999. Tell the emergency services what has happened or what you suspect has happened. Keep yourself safe. If the person has a weapon, do not try to get to this from them. Do not give the person alcohol or drugs and if safe to do so, do not leave them alone while waiting for help to arrive. Keep talking to them, reassure them that you are there to help and listen, even if they have locked themselves into a room.
Once the immediate crisis is over, it is important to take time to think about yourself. It’s ok to feel exhausted, emotionally drained, angry, upset and scared. These are natural feelings, and you should not feel guilty for having them. Find someone to talk to. This might be a trusted family member, friend or a professional care worker. You can also contact Suffolk Family Carers.
Remember that you did your best at a very difficult time. Don’t blame yourself. If there is no-one you can talk to immediately, consider calling a helpline. You may like to write down how you are feeling, listen to music, go for a walk or take part in an activity or hobby. It is important to try to relax and most of all, be kind to yourself. If you feel overwhelmed by the event, it is important that you seek help to be able to talk about it and work through it.
Getting Support
Call 111 Option 2 for crisis mental health support.
HOPELINE247 is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide. If you are having thoughts of suicide or are concerned for a young person who might be you can contact HOPELINE247. Call: 0800 068 4141, Text: 88247 or Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org. Opening Hours: 24 Hours, 7 days a week (Weekends and Bank Holidays included)
SANEline Services provide a out of hours mental health helpline offering specialist emotional support, guidance, and information. Telephone: 0300 304 7000. Lines open 4pm – 10pm.
Samaritans is a UK wide organisation for those needing someone to talk to.
Steam House Cafes – Walk-in Mental Health Crisis Support. https://steamhousecafes.co.uk/
Childline is a private and confidential service for anyone under the age of 19 in the UK. You can talk about anything! Telephone: 0800 1111
The Silver Line is a confidential helpline providing information, friendship and advice to older people living anywhere in the UK. Telephone: 0800 470 8090
Cruse Bereavement Care offers support for people across the UK after the death of someone close. Telephone: 0845 600 2227
