I live with my partner and we have three children P who’s 11 years old, S who’s 6 years old and N who is 4. S is currently on the waiting list for an assessment for Autism. We enjoy taking the children out to different places where possible but over the past few months we have found ourselves going out less and less as a family. Every time we go out S gets anxious and doesn’t want to go. S will often wrestle with the fact that they want to go and then they don’t, this can sometimes result in a full blown meltdown and the whole family not going anywhere. If we manage to go out anywhere I can guarantee the day will be full of chaos, meltdowns and disasters with both myself and my partner wishing we hadn’t bothered in the first place. I want S to have different experiences and go places and I don’t want the other two to miss out on family days or resent S because S struggles in certain situations. How can we get out as a family without the chaos and meltdowns?
Any day out as a family can be stressful but having a child that struggles with multiple aspects of the day adds another level of stress and chaos, however there are a number of things you can do to make a trip out more fun and enjoyable for the whole family.
It can be difficult to venture out as a family when you constantly fear a meltdown, however one of the things that I can always be heard saying to parents is be prepared. Prepared for a meltdown when you are out, this way you are ready to deal with it and it is less stressful and chaotic. If you are prepared for a meltdown they are less likely to happen because you are equipped to deal with issues as they arrive and defuse situations as you go along.
So how do you prepare for a meltdown…?
It is important to start teaching your children strategies to manage and understand their emotions. This may range from learning emotions, what they look like, how they feel, and breathing techniques, to using a tool like the Zones of Regulations (this is something the whole family can use and practice) Zones of Regulation Workshop Recording. As S develops strategies to manage their emotions and overwhelm then meltdowns will become easier to manage and less frequent.
Often when going out children Neurodivergent children will have 101 questions (you may have to guess what these might be), if you can answer as many of those questions as possible they will fell less nervous about the day. You may find creating a social story or comic strip conversation with your child would help to answer their questions
Have a plan of what you will do in the case of a meltdown, whether you are on your own or with another adult. This way everyone knows what their role is. Talk it through as a family and put a safety plan in place, this way P and N will know what to do and S will know what to do if they are overwhelmed. For example, if you run off because it’s too much where will you go? Look at where you are going and what is in the area that would be a safe place for S to go if they are feeling overwhelmed. This way if you can’t keep up with them or lose them then you know where they are planning on going, almost like a meeting place.
You may need to think about special considerations if you are travelling on a different form of transport
Prepare for the day, use visuals to show them where you are going and who is going to be there. This could be having a calendar to tick off and countdown the days, have a visual plan/ timetable for the day, you may or may not want to include times but schedule in sensory breaks and brain breaks away from the hustle and bustle. Research on the computer where you are going and how you will get there. You could create a photo album of the place and what you will be doing as a visual schedule.
Where possible it can help to contact the place UPDATE FROM CONTACT In a huge win for disabled children and the free school meal disability inclusion campaign, the government has published its updated guidance on free school meals in England. The update will benefit over 100,000 disabled children currently missing out on free school meals, whose families have faced a loss of £600 a year in financial support for their family. If your child is currently missing out on free school meals you can access a free legal guide and template letters. Download the FREE Legal Guides and Template Letters you are visiting to see what is available whilst you are there, some places have sensory zones for people that struggle with sensory overload and overwhelmed. Some attractions, zoos and theme parks will allocate a free or reduced carers ticket with a full paying disabled ticket. Some theme parks allow you to apply for a queue pass to avoid having to wait in long queues with lots of people and nowhere to move (they usually have an eligibility criteria so check out their website under accessibility or contact them directly). You can also apply for a radar key to give you access to disabled toilets
When out and about look out for places to take a break when you are out, places have lots of people, noise and smells, your child will often feel overwhelmed and taking regular sensory breaks can help with this. This may be sitting at a bench, taking them to a quiet place or a designated sensory area /play area.
It can help to have extra snacks and plenty of drinks, Neurodivergent children can need to eat more regular as they burn a lot of energy throughout the day. Foods that are high in sugar including fruit are not always helpful, taking an extra ham or cheese sandwich can often be a better alternative for children with high energy needs.
It is important to remember that even if S has had a lovely day it will still be an overwhelming and overstimulating day, it can help to keep the end of the day as calm whilst keeping as much structure and routine as possible.
