Hearing from other parent carers can help us to understand that we are not alone in the challenges we experience. Most importantly they can bring us hope when we see others making steps of progress, however big or small. This story has been shared with the permission of the family and all names have been anonymised.
“Having a teen is hard work for any parent, having a teen with SEN is harder! My son Freddie has possible ASD and is a total school avoider who is still on role at a mainstream school. I know there is thousands of children and parents/carers who are experiencing similar to ours. I totally understand the struggle to get your child to school and the pressures the school have on parents/carers as well as everyday life and other children.
Seeing your child screaming for help to not go to school but you have to try or face more serious consequences from school. It’s heart-breaking, damaging to not only your child’s mental health but your own.
Then it happens….TOTAL BURNOUT.
You see your keen learner, happy, caring child look withdrawn. They refuse to leave the house, get a Vitamin D deficiency as they won’t even go into the garden. Control of fluid intake which gets worse, not wanting to speak or see the very few friends they once had or learn anything. The constant meltdowns. It’s distressing to see.
Whilst going through burnout, more and more pressure mounts from school, you find out that your own mum is terminally ill and you contact all you can for help and end up on huge waiting lists.
I was lucky to get offered help from a Family Advisor through Suffolk Family Carers. The Advisor entered our home – my child’s safe space. She quickly helped and I was offered courses. Which I grabbed with open arms. She offered the opportunity for Freddie to attend a sailing course. I said yes before even thinking of how he will be the morning of. He had never done this before! Yes it was a struggle that first morning we had a little meltdown as in his head it was a trick…..I was trying to get him to school.
That first session we went with my Uncle who continued to travel to Ipswich from Chelmsford to do the course with Freddie. This was a much needed mental break from my child.
With each session Freddie came home more and more alive telling me all about the sailing and all the boats bits and safety. Seeing Freddie back learning and interested in something more physical is heart bursting.
He did the little homework the sailing course set straight away. This has always been an issue in our house since the start of his schooling life.
Freddie is continuing to have more good days than bad. He has self-taught the piano, Russian and socially he has come to the cinema, socialised with close friends and even walked to the shop alone! He had his first sleepover at my sister’s house! Each time he comes out with me to social places he has now thanked me for ‘making him go’.
I can’t thank the Advisor and the sailing team enough for this opportunity for Freddie.
Our journey continues with the rest of the battles towards school but he has been given an opportunity to learn something new that he has enjoyed.”
If you have a story of your own journey that you wish to share with others do contact Project Manager Michelle on michelle.jones@suffolkfamilycarers.org
