This time of year can be full of emotions – joyful, overwhelming, busy, happy, stressful, the list could go on.
At Suffolk Family Carers we understand that when you are caring for someone it can make this time of year that little bit more challenging. Over the last few weeks we’ve been giving you some tips of how to cope during the festive season, we’ve wrapped them all up together.
Take Time For Yourself
Whilst we all know we should take time for ourselves, when we have caring responsibilities it is often left to the bottom of our lists. That’s why we are putting it at the top of ours!
The festive period can be a time of joy and family time, but that often brings its own stresses, not to mention the addition of caring responsibilities. To make sure you have enough capacity – physically, emotionally and mentally – you need to try and take some time for yourself.
Read a chapter of your book, ring your friend, spend 30minutes on a jigsaw puzzle, take a bubble bath, listen to your favourite festive tunes whilst cooking a meal. These things sound small, but when your time is occupied with caring for someone, these make a huge difference.
We understand that taking time out can be hard, but try to build it into your day, especially over the festive period so you can enjoy it as much as you can.
Plan Ahead
Thinking ahead and planning can make life easier for you and the person you look after – and for other people you spend time with over this period. Especially if the person you care for needs routine or finds it beneficial to be clear on what is happening.
– Talk to family and friends about your plans, and raise any worries or concerns you have with them.
– If you are going out for the day, think about what you need to help you cope. Such as things you can bring to make your cared for feel more comfortable. Or looking ahead to food options or places you are visiting.
– Let family and friends know what you and the person you care for are likely to find helpful and useful, and what may be challenging.
These things can really help your festivities flow a lot smoother.
But what happens if you fall ill? Even when you think you have planned for every eventuality it is still useful to complete a Family Carers Emergency Plan to give you that extra reassurance. These plans aren’t just for this time of year, but are in affect for as long as you and your cared for need it.
Ask for Help
Asking for help can be tricky, even when it’s asking your family. Friends and family may not be aware of what is involved in your caring role and its demands until you explain it to them. This can be especially true if they have not seen you or the person you care for recently, or there have been changes in your situation. When you have explained your caring role to them, they may be more willing to help you out.
Spending time together as a family during the festive period could mean that caring responsibilities are lightened as others may be able to help out. Discuss with your family and friends how they may be able to help at different times of the day to lighten your load.
Not only will this mean you are getting extra support and you don’t have to worry about the person you care for, it also means that you may be able to take a well-earned rest, even if it is just to enjoy a mince pie in the quiet or spend an afternoon doing a bit of shopping for presents.
Know Where to Turn for Help
Asking for help from family and friends can lighten your caring responsibilities, but sometimes you need professional support and advice. Unfortunately some services are closed during the festive holidays, which can add more concerns. But not to fear, we have you covered…
Knowing there are places you can turn for advice and support will relieve some worries. These may not be the normal services you contact but they will be able offer help and advice. We have put together a helpful list together with numbers and websites who may be able to help you.
Ignore the Expectations
When we see festive movies or scroll through social media there are all these expectations of how to make it ‘perfect’. In reality it doesn’t work like that, especially if we are caring for someone. Sometimes, traditions that your family have had for many years may need to change or stop all together.
Letting go of expectations and enjoying the festive season that works for you and the person you care for can make it a lot less stressful. Every family is different, and everyone’s festivities will be different too, especially when you are caring.
Remember to be flexible as well. If one thing isn’t working, try something else. Do what works for you, not what others expect! It’s always worth having a plan B, and be prepared to change your plans if a particular element isn’t working.
Are your repeat prescriptions up-to-date?
It’s important to order your prescription medication before Christmas to avoid problems during the busy festive season. Many GP practices and pharmacies close or reducing their hours over the festive period, making it more challenging for patients to access medicines at short notice.
Taking prescribed medication regularly is important, so do not forget to order your repeat prescriptions if they’re due. If you do need medical advice you can find pharmacy opening times in your area by visiting the NHS website.
Help your Friends & Family Understand
At this time of year we tend to spend more time visiting or being visited by friends and family, which may be out of your normal routine and in unfamiliar surroundings. This could cause extra stress for you and the person you care for, especially if the people visiting or visited don’t understand what is needed.
Why not let friends and family know about things that could help make the visit as stress-free as possible. Whether you are visiting others or have others coming to you, it’s important to explain your needs.
These could be:
➡ Finding out what food is available so you can bring alternatives if needed
➡ Asking if there can be a quiet space
➡ Finding out about accessibility and comfort arrangements
➡ Asking visitors If they could help themselves to a cuppa (and one for you too!)
➡ Could visitors bring food to share so you don’t have to cater?
➡Letting them know signs to be aware of if the person you care for is becoming overwhelmed, uncomfortable or tired
➡ Ask family and friends to spend time with the person you care for to give you a break
These conversations may not be easy to have as caring can be private, but sharing your needs with people you trust is important, helping them understand means you don’t have to do it alone.
Create a Quiet, Safe Space
The Festive Season can be busy and overwhelming for a lot of people. But even more so if you have caring responsibilities or potentially for the person who requires your care.
Home is a ‘safe’ space for many and having other people visiting or going to other people’s houses can soon become overwhelming. If you are having family and friends visit your home, consider creating a quiet space free of distractions and noise. Somewhere you, the person you care for or other family members who may require it can go to spend a few moments of quiet.
If you are visiting other family member’s homes maybe ask them if there is a room which could be used a quiet space. If the quiet space is for the person you care for make sure you show them and let them know they can use it whenever they need to. It may also be useful to have some music that they enjoy playing in that room so it is ready for them should they need it. Autistic people may also find it helpful to have other favourite items such as sensory equipment/toys, weighted blankets or a quiet activity such as a jigsaw or book. Soft lighting or the option to be in complete darkness, can also help.
Having these quiet spaces at your home and other people’s will allow the person you care for to be involved with the festivities at their own pace. This advice could help anyone, but it is especially important for neurodivergent people as well as people with dementia.
Keep Things Simple and Familiar
Festivities don’t have to be elaborate and complicated. This time of year is about spending time together not a table full of indulgent food, the biggest tree and loads of gifts. If you’re caring for someone, why not keep it simple and enjoy the time together.
For many people with dementia this time of year can be confusing and frustrating. Keeping the activities low-key and familiar will help the person you care for to stay relaxed. Sticking to a familiar routine and surroundings is also a good idea, where possible of course. This will avoid potential confusion.
We work in partnership with Alzheimer’s Society who offer a free support service, Dementia Connect, which puts you in touch with an expert Dementia Adviser.
These ideas can also be true for a neurodivergent person or someone who struggles with their mental health. Like we’ve said before ignore the expectations of this time of year and do what’s right for you, the person you care for and your family.
The Alzheimer’s Society has some specific information on how to care for someone with dementia, which you may find useful.
Take Care of Your Own Wellbeing
95% of us say mental health is important, yet only 26% prioritise it [Michigan Association of Health Plans, 2021]. Looking after our own mental health and wellbeing is hugely important, not looking after yourself could mean eventually you won’t have the capacity to look after, support or care for others.
No one can share from an empty bucket. We need to fill our own buckets to be able to give to others from them. This can mean speaking kindly to yourself, taking a few minutes for ourselves, being in nature, going for a short walk.
There are many ways in which you can look after your own wellbeing, trying to prioritise it can be tricky especially when you have a caring role but any small act of kindness to yourself will go a long way. Our workshops facilitator Clare has described this in the 5 steps to mental wellbeing blog which you may find useful
Encouraging the person you care for to look after their own mental health could have a positive knock-on effect for their general wellbeing and therefore for you too.
Wellbeing Suffolk service is available specifically to support you and the person you care for with your wellbeing, check out their website for online self-help as well as self-referral courses.
For more information on how we can support you manage your mental health and wellbeing.
Manage Relationships and Boundaries
You don’t have to do everything and see everyone!
That’s probably easier said than done during the festive period, but when caring for someone It can be helpful to think about your boundaries and how to manage your relationships.
Boundaries and relationships can become blurred when you have a caring role, which can make it hard to keep track of where responsibilities begin and end, lives and identities can become entangled and any sense of personal identity, space and resources can be lost.
There are so many things we ‘need’ to do at this time of the year, but saying NO to a particular event or someone visiting is absolutely fine. It’s hard to say no, but it is really healthy, not just for your wellbeing but also for the person you care for.
Here are a few ideas on how to manage those relationships and boundaries:
➡ You don’t have to answer people’s questions. Tell them you aren’t going to talk about it right now.
➡ Talk about your plans in advance, for example it may help to agree to a certain budget on gifts or when you want to eat.
➡ If others don’t understand how feeling you could share this post with them or try writing it down for them to read
➡ It’s fine if there are people you don’t want to see during the festivities, but if you can’t avoid it take the pressure off and keep some distance by watching a film, playing a game or allocating a task they can do to help you.
Connect with Others
Feeling isolated and lonely doesn’t mean you don’t have people around you. Some people can be surrounded by caring people but still feel lonely, because the people around them don’t understand their situation, they aren’t being authentic or they lack support themselves.
There are things you can do to feel less alone, some of these we’ve touched on the last few days but the main thing is connecting with others. That hasn’t got to be friends and family but someone who understands your situation.
Here are some ways you could connect with others:
➡ Join a Family Carer group
➡ Let people know who are close to you if you are struggling
➡ Tell people how they can help, or if there are things they should avoid
➡ Be yourself and don’t justify yourself to anyone
➡ remember it’s not your responsibility to convince other people, or get their permission to look after yourself.
Of course if your situation means you cannot join friends and family in person, take advantage of technology to be with them virtually.
